Sun Jan 16, 2011 12:51 pm
Aeon - Haypi Adventure Prologue III
So this is my 3rd submission for the prologue competition. Please let me know what you think of it, I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it.
Constructive criticism and ratings out of 10 would be really appreciated.
Tamanja, a beautiful island, remote and unspoiled, crowned by majestic, soaring mountains, covered in beautiful, tranquil forests, and surrounded by beaches of sand that glistened so radiantly they could blind you. Free of the corruption and pollution that arrives hot on the heels of wealth and population, it had been paradise on earth. But as they say, all good things must come to an end. The volcano that nestled amongst the proud peaks, having long laid dormant, erupted in a violent rage. The small town that rested at the base of the mountains, that you had grown up in, was all but consumed, leaving only a burnt out husk, covered in dark, forboding ash, reduced to serving as a stark reminder of nature's fury.
You were saved from the great volcano's wrath by nothing more than coincidence, although some might call it fate. You had been taking a peaceful walk through the beautiful glades that dotted the island, trying to clear you head of some childish problem. While unbeknownst to you, everything you cherished was being destroyed, you had sat at the base of a mighty tree and fallen asleep.
When you returned from your meandering, you were greeted not by the welcoming sight of the beautiful sandstone buildings that made up the peaceful town, but by a collosal river of molten fury that ran over the lip of the volcano, inbetween the bases of the great mountains, and completely through the helpless town before finally stopping when it plunged in to the cool sea, it's fires extinguished in a desperate explosion of steam.
Consumed by sorrow and hopelessnes, you had collapsed on the beach and passed out. You were saved only by a passing ship, commanded by an old captain, who took pity on you and took you in to his care. You had awoken in a cabin below the decks, the gentle rocking of the waves and the smell of fresh sea air having revived you. You begged the captain to let you work on his ship, and in his generosity he allowed you to. The kindly captain become like a second father to you, and you proved that you possessed a natural affinity for seamanship. When the old captain passed away, he bequeathed the command of his humble ship and rickety submarine to you, aswell as the service of his devoted crew. You couldn't have asked for any greater gift. But you were young, and your desire for adventure and excitement meant you were not content to spend your life as the old captain had, a humble merchant, ferrying goods across the ocean. You desired something far greater, the greatest goal that any captain could hope to achieve. You wished to retrieve the eight relics, rumoured to be the so called keys to the future. Any man who managed this great feat, and none had, would be rewarded beyond his wildest dreams. So this is where your great adventure begins, in one of the great port cities of the kingdom, with nothing but two rickety vessels and a head filled with foolish dreams.
Constructive criticism and ratings out of 10 would be really appreciated.
Tamanja, a beautiful island, remote and unspoiled, crowned by majestic, soaring mountains, covered in beautiful, tranquil forests, and surrounded by beaches of sand that glistened so radiantly they could blind you. Free of the corruption and pollution that arrives hot on the heels of wealth and population, it had been paradise on earth. But as they say, all good things must come to an end. The volcano that nestled amongst the proud peaks, having long laid dormant, erupted in a violent rage. The small town that rested at the base of the mountains, that you had grown up in, was all but consumed, leaving only a burnt out husk, covered in dark, forboding ash, reduced to serving as a stark reminder of nature's fury.
You were saved from the great volcano's wrath by nothing more than coincidence, although some might call it fate. You had been taking a peaceful walk through the beautiful glades that dotted the island, trying to clear you head of some childish problem. While unbeknownst to you, everything you cherished was being destroyed, you had sat at the base of a mighty tree and fallen asleep.
When you returned from your meandering, you were greeted not by the welcoming sight of the beautiful sandstone buildings that made up the peaceful town, but by a collosal river of molten fury that ran over the lip of the volcano, inbetween the bases of the great mountains, and completely through the helpless town before finally stopping when it plunged in to the cool sea, it's fires extinguished in a desperate explosion of steam.
Consumed by sorrow and hopelessnes, you had collapsed on the beach and passed out. You were saved only by a passing ship, commanded by an old captain, who took pity on you and took you in to his care. You had awoken in a cabin below the decks, the gentle rocking of the waves and the smell of fresh sea air having revived you. You begged the captain to let you work on his ship, and in his generosity he allowed you to. The kindly captain become like a second father to you, and you proved that you possessed a natural affinity for seamanship. When the old captain passed away, he bequeathed the command of his humble ship and rickety submarine to you, aswell as the service of his devoted crew. You couldn't have asked for any greater gift. But you were young, and your desire for adventure and excitement meant you were not content to spend your life as the old captain had, a humble merchant, ferrying goods across the ocean. You desired something far greater, the greatest goal that any captain could hope to achieve. You wished to retrieve the eight relics, rumoured to be the so called keys to the future. Any man who managed this great feat, and none had, would be rewarded beyond his wildest dreams. So this is where your great adventure begins, in one of the great port cities of the kingdom, with nothing but two rickety vessels and a head filled with foolish dreams.