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Haypi proloug submission #1

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Foreigner

Beginner

Posts: 41

Joined: Fri Dec 31, 2010 5:07 pm

Post Fri Dec 31, 2010 6:54 pm

Haypi proloug submission #1

It had been burned. A city, once lively and full of ambition, was now nothing. A boy, almost fifteen, the only survivor. He walked through the stubs of old homes. It almost seemed as if it was ment to happen. He came across the place he called home. As a young boy he had learned to love his home. Now, it was just another burnt down building. Upon entering he stumbled across an envelope, mysteriously untouched by natures past events. It was laying on the old trap door to the basement his grandfather had always kept locked. When opened the letter resembled a poem.
When the great sun meets the sea,

One must go out and find the key.

To go before the night is young,

Ones's journey would be rough and wrong.

Alas, this story's set to flight,

One will find his prize this night.

Of value and price on land,

This does not mark a journey's end.


He sat there, thinking for a moment. He didn't know who wrote the poem or why he had a gut feeling to do something great. So he just read on.
When moonlight fills the open air,

One's momentum must get him there.

For no map has found a trace,

To the treasures resting place.

Multiple have to be found,

Then one's fortune's homeward bound.

All the treasures total eight,

But one must remember he has to wait,

Until the great sun meets the sea,

To journey out and find the key.

The boy new it was his turn. His family wasn't alive so he had no one telling him no. He took the opportunity and ran with it. He ran down to the dock with poem in hand and waited till the sun met the sea. Many hours had passed, leaves had fallen, and the grass almost seemed to grow an inch while he waited. The sun fell into place and he boarded his fathers old fishing ship. Enough fish had been left on the small boat from the last catch for almost a month's worth of travel. He was going to need to by a submarine for finding treasure, but all he cared about was making the first step in his first adventure, alone. He untied the boat, then he set out to find the key.
Last edited by Foreigner on Sun Jan 02, 2011 4:50 am, edited 4 times in total.
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Mystical31

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Post Sat Jan 01, 2011 8:04 pm

Re: Haypi proloug submission #1

 wow this 1 is pretty good!
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beatlesfan

Marquis

Posts: 436

Joined: Thu May 06, 2010 12:17 am

Post Sat Jan 01, 2011 8:29 pm

Re: Haypi proloug submission #1

This is really good, especially the poem!!!!
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nIcKrOx

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Warlord

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Location: "P. Sherman, 42 Wallaby Way, Sydney"

Post Sat Jan 01, 2011 9:20 pm

Re: Haypi proloug submission #1

Nice idea with the poems :D good prologue ^_^
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May his noodly appendages keep us from floating up to the sky.
Ramen.


FSM
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Caliee

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Joined: Thu Jun 10, 2010 5:44 pm

Post Sat Jan 01, 2011 9:31 pm

Re: Haypi proloug submission #1

I like it, nice job
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Krizz31

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Posts: 9

Joined: Wed Dec 08, 2010 11:08 pm

Post Sat Jan 01, 2011 9:50 pm

Re: Haypi proloug submission #1

Nice like the prologue alot. Like the way it's based round the poem.
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Foreigner

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Posts: 41

Joined: Fri Dec 31, 2010 5:07 pm

Post Sun Jan 02, 2011 4:00 am

Re: Haypi proloug submission #1

Thanks for the feedback. Please rate on a 1-10 scale on how good it was!
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beatlesfan

Marquis

Posts: 436

Joined: Thu May 06, 2010 12:17 am

Post Sun Jan 02, 2011 4:02 am

Re: Haypi proloug submission #1

8.5, maybe a 9, it seems to be missing something, IDK what though
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Foreigner

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Joined: Fri Dec 31, 2010 5:07 pm

Post Sun Jan 02, 2011 11:34 pm

Re: Haypi proloug submission #1

:D Thanks guys! :D
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Foreigner

Beginner

Posts: 41

Joined: Fri Dec 31, 2010 5:07 pm

Post Mon Jan 03, 2011 5:11 am

Re: Haypi proloug submission #1

I'm gonna write an epic poem prologue.
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