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Haypi Article Competition

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Blaze963

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Joined: Thu Apr 22, 2010 8:50 pm

Location: Massachusetts

Post Fri Apr 01, 2011 2:02 am

Haypi Article Competition

                 The Siege
 
"Grandfather, tell us another story!" Exclaimed Maxwell as they both sat by the toasty fire in the Main Building of the kingdom of Dragonian.

"Alright alright settle down young one." The old out dated man said to comfort his grandson

"Long ago, back during the great Siege on the kingdom of Haypi, the king was killed in battle and I, the 1st Prince, took his royal place. The front lines were being broken through and things were beginning to look great for us."

"What was it like on the front lines for your army grandfather?" Maxwell interrupted

"Well, you see, my army consisted of forty-thousand infantry, twenty-thousand archers, ten-thousand cavalry men, and lastly our two-thousand catapults. Because of our great numbers, the front line was full of the sick and wounded. We didn't have enough doctors to cover everybody and the farmers couldn't grow enough crops in time. Also, the harsh weather took its toll on my men."

"Really? Go on."

"As I was saying before, things were looking fantastic. We were so close to finishing off their men when, out of their barracks, came another five-thousand catapults to bolster their defenses." Said the old King looking as if he had seen a ghost.

"No way!" Maxwell said in awe
"How did you defeat them?" 

"I am preserving the ending of the story, no more interruptions. Anyways, the kingdom of Haypi had managed to pull out another five-thousand catapults and I was stunned. As if that wasn't bad enough, towers, tens of hundreds appeared in the distance and were killing off my men. Frustrated, I ran into the fight furiously swinging my claymore while mounted on my horse. This plan of mine, was foolish of me as right then my horse was struck with an enemy arrow and she kicked menacingly. I was flung off of her like a boulder in a catapult and landed on my arm. I knew it was broken by the way it was bent."

The warming fire went out.

"This story is dragging on to much my dear boy, I will need to skip the non necessary parts"

"That's okay grandfather, I understand"

"Thank you, I was surrounded by their army, my men were either dead or wounded or to scared to come help the fight. That was when a miracle happened. They set me free! It was the strangest moment of my life and will be for the rest of it. They never even told me why."

"So you lost grandfather?"

"Yes my boy, from that moment on, I knew war wasn't a way to settle things. You need to take a diplomatic approach first. I learned this lesson the hard way, hence the reason my right arm is gone. Cut off by the doctors to save my life."

Maxwell was asleep on the wooden floor of the Main Building. With his only arm, the old majesty covered up his grandson and fell asleep on his rocking chair. That night, the king died in his sleep. The cause of his tragic death was old age and his grandson Maxwell, took the throne. He is known to be the worlds youngest King with the age of nine years old.

Thanks  for reading guys. I hope you enjoyed it. I'm on server 101 and my account is Blaze963. 
Hate. It's a strong word used more often than it should. Spread the love and have a Haypi time
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Bob8717

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Post Tue Apr 05, 2011 2:26 am

Re: Haypi Article Competition

This is not the contest ask support for full adress
As always
Bob8717
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Blaze963

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Posts: 32

Joined: Thu Apr 22, 2010 8:50 pm

Location: Massachusetts

Post Tue Apr 05, 2011 8:29 pm

Re: Haypi Article Competition

What do you mean bob? The mail clearly says it can be a story, guide, strategy, personal experience. So I made a story and it said to label the post Haypi Article Competition. Also to put in under Haypi Events section
Hate. It's a strong word used more often than it should. Spread the love and have a Haypi time
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Bluehair

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Post Tue Apr 05, 2011 8:31 pm

Re: Haypi Article Competition

Blaze he has been posting uselss comments on the forums like that just ignore him
"It doesn't matter how angered or annoyed you get by a person, if all your going to do is copy them and reply in a similar manner, then just don't bother"
"The excitement is in the curiosity of not know ; the knowing it self is no fun"
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Blaze963

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Joined: Thu Apr 22, 2010 8:50 pm

Location: Massachusetts

Post Tue Apr 05, 2011 8:43 pm

Re: Haypi Article Competition

Thank you blue.

On a different note. Any comments for my story?
Hate. It's a strong word used more often than it should. Spread the love and have a Haypi time
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Bluehair

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Post Tue Apr 05, 2011 8:55 pm

Re: Haypi Article Competition

it nice as a story although i think your interruptions and they way he talks after them doesn't fit with the way you think he would talk but thats just imo
"It doesn't matter how angered or annoyed you get by a person, if all your going to do is copy them and reply in a similar manner, then just don't bother"
"The excitement is in the curiosity of not know ; the knowing it self is no fun"
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Blaze963

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Joined: Thu Apr 22, 2010 8:50 pm

Location: Massachusetts

Post Thu Apr 07, 2011 1:05 am

Re: Haypi Article Competition

Hmm anyone else? I'm working to complete this story in a way everybody will love. Cannot be done without feedback :D
Hate. It's a strong word used more often than it should. Spread the love and have a Haypi time
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Angelfish

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Joined: Sat Jan 22, 2011 2:24 pm

Post Thu Apr 07, 2011 4:59 pm

Re: Haypi Article Competition

I would have to agree with Blue. The dialogue does not seem quite natural. However, the story is good. I am beginning to agree with the concept you presented.
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Blaze963

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Posts: 32

Joined: Thu Apr 22, 2010 8:50 pm

Location: Massachusetts

Post Fri Apr 08, 2011 1:04 am

Re: Haypi Article Competition

Angelfish wrote:I would have to agree with Blue. The dialogue does not seem quite natural. However, the story is good. I am beginning to agree with the concept you presented.

Thank you Angel. All feedback is good feedback:D
Hate. It's a strong word used more often than it should. Spread the love and have a Haypi time
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Blaze963

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Posts: 32

Joined: Thu Apr 22, 2010 8:50 pm

Location: Massachusetts

Post Fri Apr 22, 2011 8:07 pm

Re: Haypi Article Competition

Any other comments? I accept all feedback :)
Hate. It's a strong word used more often than it should. Spread the love and have a Haypi time
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