Haypi Adventure Prologue SubMission by MAXS209

Once there was a young man in search of adventure. One day he decided to build a boat to set sails to unexplored lands. However, the boat was flimsy, and was torn apart by a tidal wave. The young man then found himself on an unknown island surrounded by several soldiers. The captain said "In the name of the king you are under arrest for trespassing and are due to execution". The captain then brought him to the king. "What gave you the idea to trespass royal grounds, peasant" said the king. The young man said, "I am not a peasant , I am a traveler and I found my self on this island." But the greedy king said, "I do not care for your foul excuses! The only way to redeem your self is to find the 8 priceless artifacts and return them to me. Only then will I think of sparing you!" "But sir!" said the young man, I don't have the equipment to look for those artifacts." "Then take one of my ten docks." said the greedy king. "Now, be gone!"

And so begins Haypi Adventure...

Can I have some feedback please. And a rating from 1 to 10. I need to know.

Hi Max.

I'd give it about a 6-7.5

1: It sounds like you're writing from the medieval ages, with peasant and other language like that gives a hint. a submarine, with an engine and sonar? I'm not sure.

2: A tidal wave would have not only destroyed the boat, but would have killed him instantly.

Nice plot, sorry to be harsh.

Imm0rta1.P (Unst0p)