King of the Sand Dune

I take out a pair of sciccors and cut the paper to shrewds
I am koth

I befriend Po, the Kung Fu Panda (from the movie) and learn the Wushi Finger Hold
Bobbityjoe is king of the hill
i stroll up to the ungaurded hill and quote "Skadoosh" and perform the Wushi Finger Hold on bobbity
he explodes into lots of little pieces and a huge gush of air cascades down the hill knocking all other competitors further down the hill
im king of the hill

i simply walk up the hill and ask you politly to leave...then while your laughing i pick you up and through you down the hill into the compition knocking them farther down...it starts to snow and the temp drops i take a hose and water the hill making it steep and icy come and get me...

since Armyoftwo didnt announce being king of the kill i jetpack onto the horses head and using a cunningly concealed feather duster, tickle army to the edge of the ice where i give him a kick up the backside in a comically cartoonish fashion and he slides alll the way to the bottom.
i am still king of the hill
EDIT: i thought you said horse not hose so thats why there is a magic horse

he thought he kicked me into the ice but really that was a hologram i toke from dane cook to foil burglers...i spray him with water in the cold weather he freezes leaving the opeing for me to toss him down the hill...IM KOTH...i build a nice hut with a fireplace and hire two buff bodyguards named michelle...(thats right another movie reference)...

haha DODGEBALL
feeling dejected and cold i leave thinking about the movie references and plotting my revenge for another day. just before i cross the horizon i turn, shake my fist and shout "you have won this battle, but not the war!" after leaving the scene, reading the newspaper in his country estate he hears the faint sob of Armyoftwo who is plighted by fear of what the mighty MichoMan will do to him

what you thought were sobs were actually small snickers of the bodyguards as you ran away over that time my hut grows into a mansion with 15 bodyguards all named michelle and i bought and am now the ceo of a private security firm with over 500 private soldiers...i start building my defensives for the next fool to attempt something...IM KOTH

aot is koth
i walk up to the hill and i use my ninja skills to kill everyone.
after eating one of the michelles for dinner i walk up to aot and he runs away
I AM KOTH!

sadly i have 500 private soldiers i ran to get them...as we approached you spotted their mass numbers and tried to run as a tank ran you over...we throw yyou in a ditch at the bottom of the hill i then proceed to dig a moat and a series of trenches up the hill putting down barbed wire and setting up anti aircraft guns i hire an additional 500 soldiers and they man my defense...i then hire 15 new michelles...and a chef...IM KOTH

I am the chef
I give you salmonella
You die
I'm koth